Troy (2004)
For honor
Starring: Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Brian Cox, Sean Bean, Brendan Gleeson, Peter O'Toole, Diane Kruger, Rose Byrne, Brendan Gleeson, Julian Glover, John Shrapnel, Garrett Hedlund, Julie Christie, Nathan Jones, James Cosmo
Director: Wolfgang Petersen
Running Time: 163 minutes
US MPAA rating: N/AUK BBFC rating: 15
Action, Adventure, Drama, War
Women, eh? You do everything for them - give them cheap-looking trinkets, whisk them off to your fictional Trojan palace, save them from having to live with a bellowing cornflake-bearded man-beast. And what do you get in return? War, that's what. And war, as we all know, is good for absolutely nothing.
That's the vague premise behind 'Troy', the first of this year's big bustling epics. Set 3200 years ago, it offers a not-particularly-valuable insight into what happens when a spineless Trojan Prince (Orlando Bloom) nicks another bloke's missus. Unsurprisingly - given that the lady in question is Ancient Greece's most cherished hottie Helen (Diane Kruger), the scorned hubby is brawl-loving nutter Menelaus (Brendan Gleeson), and Menelaus' brother is warmongering loudmouth Agamemnon (Brian Cox) - all Hell breaks loose, and the Greek army hot-foot it to Troy to retrieve their missing piece of totty.
Plotline in place, the film goes on to focus predominantly on a woefully miscast Brad Pitt as Achilles, who's renowned as Greece's greatest ever warrior - even if he does have a dodgy heel. He gets drawn into a bout of handbags with Troy's other, less wimpy Prince Hector, and you just know there's going to be a good ol' fashioned square go before the ridiculously long 160 minutes are up.
"Underwhelming" is perhaps the best way to describe 'Troy'. There's no denying that it's been impressively put-together, but there's a constant feeling that there's nothing here we haven't seen done before - and better - in a hundred epics to have gone before it. Despite its myriad of action sequences, the whole thing moves along at a snail's pace, so loaded is it with fist-bitingly bad dialogue.
It also has to be said that some terrible decisions have been made on the part of the casting department. Pitt's a good actor but just too lightweight and pretty to play Achilles, Bana is decent but always looks uncomfortable delivering the ridiculously bad lines he's expected to spout, the largely-unknown Kruger seems totally out of her depth, and Bloom - as always - is just plain rubbish. Only Peter O'Toole, as Trojan leader Priam, really manages to impress. But let's face it - he's Peter O'Toole, so that's hardly a big shockerooney.
'Troy' is loosely-based on Homer's 'The Illiad', and I'm guessing that if the man himself was around to see this he'd follow in the footsteps of his superior namesake and greet it with one big "D'oh!". This is easily one of the weakest epics of recent years.
It's Got: Just about all the old British beardy over-the-top stage actors you can think of.
It Needs: Brian Blessed - if only to complete the set.
Alternatives: The Last Samurai, Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, Helen of Troy
Summary: Visually stunning, but totally hollow in every other department.
Review by Gary Panton
External Links
Official Web Site
Troy at the IMDB
Comments9 Comments |
| Couldn't have summed it up any better! Hollow, and no passion, belief or substance. A very true and realistic review unlike the BBC one! |
| Comment by:- Adrian | | 07 July 2004 | ip: logged |
| It's the best movie in the world! Because of Brad Pitt ofcourse. I wish there were more Brad Pitt movies! he's the best looking guy (the dream guy) for all girls!!!! and Rose Byrne is a realy good actor. She's the lucky girl ofcourse! |
| Comment by:- Yvette | | 08 October 2004 | ip: logged |
| I felt like taking shower after seeing this brain damaging movie. Maybe it's made for 12-15 y. old girls. Brad Pitt ... It was easy to see how the actors must have felt uncomfortable with their hollow and banal dialogues. Such a waste of money ... |
| Comment by:- Mike | | 19 October 2004 | ip: logged |
| Brad Pitt is really hot!! He is one of the reasons this movie is so great! |
| Comment by:- mrs.lafferty(i wish) | www.movie-gazette.com/cinerevi... | 04 November 2004 | ip: logged |
| If I was two years old, mentally retarded, attached to a life-support machine that kept my frail withered heart beating to supply oxygen to the aforementioned dead neaural zone, with a nurse gently holding my eyelids open so that the image of Troy could be projected onto my eyeball, I would still think this film is a monument to excrement and stupidity. |
| Comment by:- Brad | | 08 November 2004 | ip: logged |
| I think that the movie troy is not just for little girls as someone said before!! it is an incredible movie and i think that the actors did really well with the parts they played in the movie.it was a really good re act of the story of troy and i think that brad was great as achilles!!! |
| Comment by:- shez | | 09 November 2004 | ip: logged |
| This movie totally rocked and all you other bashers need to rethink your lives |
| Comment by:- Eeznaes | | 19 November 2004 | ip: logged |
| all i can say is that if you don't watch this kind of movie...you iss half of your life. So if I we're you, I'm gonna go to a video shop and get a dvd ao vcd of troy!!! It shows a true meaning of love!!! Of all the movies, it's the best!!! |
| Comment by:- abigael bernardo | | 24 November 2004 | ip: logged |
| I think Troy is a great movie to watch. All the comments here were rubbish! |
| Comment by:- Macky | | 01 December 2004 | ip: logged |
